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Thursday, April 6, 2006

VJ Search Update: Now With Bonus Whining
So I had most of this written last night but then, because coming up with this stuff is so taxing, I retreated to a nearby couch. I awoke at 6am and somewhere in the confusion the computer was turned off. And then my dog ate it.

Anyway. As if I wasn't resentful enough already, I will now comment on Episode Ten not once, but twice.

Onward...

1. So this week Sean, Nikki and Erik were each interviewed in front of a live studio audience. The whole thing set a new Canadian television record for most awkward teenagers in a single studio. And it also gave the Much producers a rare chance to make use of their slow-motion flashback skills. Award-winning stuff. Finally they introduced the viewer-selected "wild card"... and it was dopey dreamboat Tim. One teenage girl in the audience actually exploded when this was announced. Rather messy. Then the four finalists competed in their toughest challenge yet... a music trivia contest. And that was it. Nobody got eliminated. Viewers now get to pick their favourite from the four. Dina, the host, signed off with: "Thanks for watching. Start voting. Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?"

2. Somehow the show's producers thought it was perfectly fine to set up the interviews so that whenever they cut to Dina you could see the judges looking bored and distracted in the background. Endlessly entertaining.

3. To review then: It took MuchMusic ten episodes to eliminate a grand total of six contestants. That has to make this the most inefficient reality show in the history of the genre.

4. At one point it was noted that if Sean wins he will be the first "openly gay" VJ in MuchMusic history. Wait. Hold on. Sean's gay?

5. Kardinal apparently found time despite his VJ judging duties to attend the Junos in Halifax. But he swears he's never going back. To the Junos, at least. "It's just a bunch of garbage so I won't be a part of it anymore," he said. That, I believe, is irony.

6. Tim is going to win. I have no inside information. I have not consulted a psychic. I just know that a lot of 12-year-old girls watch MuchMusic. And 12-year-old girls like pretty, polite, personality-deprived guys. It's the Kalan Porter Rule. If it comes down to a bland, but pretty guy and a pretty, slightly quirky girl on a reality show aimed at teenage girls and their mothers, the dude is going to win. Is anyone taking bets on this? I could use the extra cash.

7. It'll be fun after next week's show to see how long they keep Tim off the air to train him. And then how long after they've put him on the air that they quietly shuffle him off to the research department. Dude's going to make Aaron Strate look like a legend.

8. Something else to watch for: How quickly Much finds an excuse to bring Nikki back. She's obviously the most able. But that doesn't really matter and so she'll finish, at best, a distant second (even she seems to realize as much, judging from this).

9. Nikki name-dropped Controller.Controller at one point to prove her music cred. Is this a new high point for the on-going indie rock revolution or the first sign of the end?

10. This is apparently her MySpace site. Seems she's friends with Metric too.

11. Where do I get one of those Nikki For VJ t-shirts?

12. Finally, making sure to take all possibilites into account, let's review the first question each would ask 50 Cent if provided the opportunity:

Sean: What hurts more, getting shot or getting a bad review?
Nikki: How do you feel about being a role model to youth and having them listen to your music?
Erik: What is your biggest fear in life and why?
Tim: How does it feel being in your own movie?

Yeah. There's really not anything more I can say here.

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