Monday, March 27, 2006

Next On Fox: When Analogies Go Wrong
I blame Paul Martin for this. When he pretended to value Bono's opinion, he told the rest of the world's aging pop stars that they were welcome, if not encouraged, to pontificate on Canadian affairs. So we got the McCartneys. And now we get Morrissey.

Or rather, we do not.

"I fully realise that the absence of any Morrissey concerts in Canada is unlikely to bring the Canadian economy to its knees, but it is our small protest against this horrific slaughter - which is the largest slaughter of marine animal species found anywhere on the planet."

In case you didn't think Morrissey was serious, he then goes nuclear.

"The Canadian Prime Minister also states that the slaughter is necessary because it provides jobs for local communities, but this is an ignorant reason for allowing such barbaric and cruel slaughter of beings that are denied life simply because somebody somewhere might want to wear their skin.

"Construction of German gas chambers also provided work for someone - this is not a moral or sound reason for allowing suffering."

With this, Morrissey authors one of those rare comments that actually manages to offend everyone who reads it. I've got to imagine even Nazis find this disrespectful.

Anyway. On with the big finish...

"If you can, please boycott Canadian goods. It WILL make a difference. As things stand, Canada has placed itself alongside China as the cruelest and most self-serving nation."

Unbelievable. Just like that, Canada jumps several spots to tie China atop the influential Morrissey Cruel And Self-Serving Nations ranking. This really is a landmark moment for our young nation. A coming of age, if you will.

(For the record, I don't really have a political position on the seal hunt, though my record will show that I have consistently and passionately spoken out in favour of small, cute and cuddly animals. I suppose if I had my way we'd be exclusively clubbing larger, uglier, more obviously cranky animals.)

(Think about it. North Korea? Iran? Saudi Arabia? Syria? Turkmenistan? Even the United States? We are now more gangster than them all. Suffice it to say, after we get done with our seals, we're coming after yours.)

(Some are holding out hope that this is a hoax. I, on the other hand, am holding out hope that this is entirely legit.)

(See also: Douglas Coupland sneaks in a conversation with Morrissey just ahead of the ban.)

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