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Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Smarmy
From a Sunday story in The New York Times: "... 'I got carried away,' said Mr. Jackson, describing how he reached into his pocket, pulled out $12,000 and began flinging bills into the crowd. Where Mr. Jackson saw excited fans, however, all Mr. Sheridan could see was a dangerously escalating fervor."

Can we ask a stupid question? Maybe even a series of stupid questions? Like, for instance, what was 50 Cent doing with $12,000 in cash in his pocket? While filming a scene for a movie at that? Even in the curious world of rap, this seems odd.

Consider just the physical amount of money at play here. Even if that $12,000 was in hundred dollar bills, that's 120 pieces of government-issued paper in his pocket. Go to the bank right now, ask for $600 in fives, put that wad in your pocket and let us know how it feels. It can't possibly be comfortable. It must even make walking difficult. (And don't think this has anything to do with cinematic crotch-stuffing. For one, there are cheaper ways to do this. For two, that big a roll of cash isn't going to make you appear to have an impressively large penis. It's going to make you appear to have a tumor.)

Secondly, what sort of business or transaction could possibly require one to have $12,000 in cash on hand? Perhaps, you're thinking drugs. A reasonable assumption, all things considered. But we can't imagine someone of 50's stature actually buys drugs himself. Surely he gets his for free by now. Or, at the very least, has people who do the purchasing for him. In any event, obviously it was not the sort of business 50 was too worried about, seeing as he was willing to freely throw it away.

Speaking of which, is it possible that 50 regularly carries this much cash around just so that he might, every so often, shower his admirers in money? If so, couldn't one make a decent yearly income just following 50 wherever he goes?

Finally, doesn't 50 have Visa? Has no one introduced him to the wonders of Interac? Can he not be bothered to carry around cheques? Shouldn't he have financial advisors willing to explain to him why that $12,000 would be better off resting comfortably in a bank, accumulating interest? Or does he not trust banks to invest his money wisely?

Is it an ego thing? Is actual cash money the new bling? Is random philanthropy the new bling? Or is money so disposable to 50 at this point that he keeps a wad of hundreds on hand for not only financial transactions but also note-taking, cigar-lighting, mouth-wiping and nose-blowing?

If you'll excuse us, we're going to go lose sleep over this.

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