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Sunday, June 5, 2005

Chaos Corruption Courage And Glory
Getting back to this.

Jon Pareles, First Captain aboard the S.S. Poopypants, pulls up alongside the Titanic and lets fly the dogs of war. The rabid dogs. With bees in their mouths. So that when they bark they shoot bees at you. Killer bees, even.

The abridged version:

"The most insufferable band of the decade!... [Martin] makes a sound somewhere between a yodel and a hiccup. And the lyrics can make me wish I didn't understand English!... a passive-aggressive blowhard, immoderately proud as he flaunts humility!... Coldplay follow-throughs are redundant; from the beginning, Coldplay has verged on self-parody!... so sorry for himself that there's hardly room to sympathize for him!... faultless to a fault, with instrumental tracks purged of any glimmer of human frailty!... looking over its shoulder at titanic predecessors like U2, Pink Floyd and the Beatles, pilfering freely from all of them!... hokum!"

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