Friday, April 16, 2004

PM and the Pop Star, Part II
Courtesy of XRRF comes word that Ozzy Osbourne and Prime Minister Paul Martin have been discussing a possible summit in Montreal (nothing, of course, boosts sagging poll numbers like a saggy, reformed-wife-beating, drug-ravaged rock star).

Well, sort of. As detailed in the latest episode of The Osbournes, it seems the correspondence and subsequent phone call to arrange said meeting - where Ozzy would receive either a fictional award or a key to the city which he could then use to raid Montrealers' liquor cabinets - were all a hoax. The initial report claimed police were investigating the matter.

Said an Ozzy spokesman with intimate knowledge of the Canadian criminal code:
"The police are going to be proceeding with trying to prosecute these people because they've actually put the Prime Minister's signature on the document, which is highly illegal, and he can be imprisoned for up to 15 years."

Said Ozzy:
"It could be an assassin or something."

Says the MTV episode guide (discussion of Kelly's bathing habits deleted):
Perhaps more perplexing than Kelly's shower boycott is the decision by the Prime Minister of Canada to give Ozzy an "Eternal Canadian Youth Award." Ozzy feels honored by the decoration but no one's really sure what an Eternal Canadian Youth is. Ozzy and his loyal assistant call the Prime Minister but Ozzy thinks something's fishy when the Prime Minister starts singing on the phone. Immediately, Ozzy declares he won't go to Canada because this award is some elaborate hoax in which a Hell's Angel or assassin will be waiting for him across the border. Ozzy's theory seems a little far-fetched. But then again, why would any one want to give him a Canadian Youth Award either? Ozzy's advisors try to convince him that it's a legit award with a government seal and the Prime Minister's signature on it but Ozzy is having none of it. Defeated, Ozzy's assistant agrees to further investigate things...
...With Kelly finally in the tub, the Osbourne family can focus on Ozzy's disputed award. Ozzy's assistant, receives a call from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police telling him that the award actually is a hoax. Wow, Ozzy's instincts were dead on although it remains to be seen just who these pranksters were.

A flipbook blow-by-blow of the episode can be found here (WARNING: graphic photos of Kelly's "stanky" hair included).

Contacted today, the RCMP assured that they were aware of the matter, but had determined that it was "nothing more than a prank." The PMO - despite warnings from Ozzy of a possible assassination plot - was sans comment.
(The episode has yet to air on MTV Canada, but, rest assured, it soon will.)

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